Do we get second chances in life? To change our mistakes? I feel like I need a fresh start. I want to change nearly everything about my life. I want to meet new people and make new friends. I want the chance to start over again. But I just don’t know how to… How do you move on? How do you let go of everything and just forget? I really want to be able to move on but I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I’ve messed up a lot over the last year or so and I haven’t really got many good things going on in my life right now. And I want to change that. But how? I feel like I need to get back to the real me. The person I was before it all went wrong. But it’s not easy. I just don’t understand how you can turn everything around. Can I even change or is it too late now? So many questions… Yet I haven’t got any answers.
I would be honoured if you could take a few minutes to check out my cover of Treacherous by Taylor Swift and you can check out my other covers if you’d like to. Just click on the title of the song above and it will take you to my soundcloud page. It would really mean a lot to me if you’d listen to my songs and covers. I hope you like them and please let me know what you think, thank you so much x
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mother’s in the world but mostly to my Mom because she is amazing in every single way. I cannot put into words the unconditional love that I feel for my mother. I’m so thankful for everything that she does for me and I know that I’m so lucky to have her. She is always there for me and I know how much she loves all of her children. I could never ask for a better Mom because mine is perfect just as she is. My Mom deserves all the love in the world…But I guess she’ll have to make do with simply all the love that I have to give her. She has made me the person that I am today and I’d be nothing without her. Have the best Mother’s Day ever Mummy! I love you❤❤❤
I think we can all agree that forgiving and forgetting are not easy things to do. Once someone has hurt you, the last thing you want to do is look like the weaker person for simply letting them get away with it. Our anger and hurt make us want revenge. We want them to hurt the way that they hurt you. But after a while, all that anger fades away and leaves us with emptiness. We feel lonely, lost and worthless. Yet our pride means that we still won’t give in. Even if they apologise and beg for forgiveness. We try to prove that we are stronger by not needing them. Even though all you really want is for everything to go back to how it was before.
Forgiving is the easier part. Eventually there comes a time when you have moved on further enough to not feel any bad feelings towards what they have done. You finally reach that emotional place where you feel able to forgive them. Sometimes it’s easy for things to go back to ‘normal’. Sometimes everything seems perfect after you have forgiven them. But other times, it can take a little bit longer as there can be quite a lot of awkwardness between the two of you.
Then there is the forgetting part. I don’t think people ever really do forget. How can you just forget something that clearly meant a lot to you at the time? If it meant enough to hurt you, then you are likely to remember it for a long time. So even if everything seems fine, there are times when the memory of what they did will be triggered. It could just be one little word or action and yet you’ll instantly think of all the anger and hurt from that time. And maybe then you feel regret for the way that you handled the situation. But no matter what you do, that memory will always be there every time that you are around that person.
Everybody falls out with someone at some point. And everybody forgives people. We forgive people who lie, cheat and steal. We forgive the people who hurt us either physically or emotionally. We are taught to forgive people as part of our primary socialisation and over time, we learn that forgiving people is sometimes the easy option. Sometimes we don’t want to let go of that person as we don’t want to know what life without them is like, so we simply choose to remain as we are. Then on the other hand, there are the times when we choose not to forgive. Maybe the person has done something multiple times now or something that you think is so bad that you can’t forgive them. I’ve recently just gone through this. They kept hurting me over and over again, but I’d always forgive them because I believed that I wouldn’t be happy without them. Until one day, they just pushed me too far. I told them I’d had enough and from then on, I’ve been trying to erase that person from my life. I feel happy that I was strong enough not to let them walk over me once again, yet every now and then I just feel like it would have been easier to forgive them. Because then I’d still be able to talk to them and they would be there for me again. But I know that if I had forgiven them, the cycle of them hurting me and then me forgiving them would never have ended. So in some cases, it may be for the best not to forgive them. And in those cases, I find it easier to forget. Because you don’t have to interact with that person or have anything to do with them, so there is less chance for the memory to be triggered.
Either way, the choice is ours alone to make. Do we forgive and forget? Do we let go of what they did and push it to the back of our minds? But we all know that’s a lot harder than it sounds. Even after we have decided, we still don’t know whether is was the right thing to do. I suppose at the end of the day, it all comes to down to the wonders of being human. These are all choices that we have to make at some point in our lives. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong. But you have to try to find out. Because if you always live with the fear of getting it wrong, then you’re not really living life to the best you can…
My sister left for University today… She hasn’t gone that far away but it’s only just sunk in that she isn’t going to be at home anymore. She was the only person I really talked to when I was at home and she was the only person that I had fun with. I’ve realised that we will probably never live together again. There will be no more watching horror movies and making her sleep in my room because I’m too scared afterwards. No more midnight meals where we’d sit in the kitchen and just laugh for hours. I know I’ll still see her but it won’t be the same anymore. My sister is my best friend. We argue all the time over everything but she is the one person who is always there for me. And now I’m worried that we won’t be as close as we always have been. I’m worried that being at home is going to be really awkward because I never got along with my mum as much as my sister did. I’m worried that the distance between my mum and I will be more obvious no that my sister isn’t around. I just want things to stay the way they are. I want my sister to always be in her room where I can always talk to her and have a laugh with her. I want to spend hours watching Doctor Who and Sherlock together. I want her to just stay. I can’t even walk around the house without thinking of a load of memories that I have with her. Like playing in the garden when we were younger, all the games we have played in the living room and all the nights we have sat in mum’s room all talking together. I know things can’t stay this way forever. I always knew that one day we wouldn’t all be living together. It’s just I didn’t realise how lost and lonely I would feel with my big sister. I wish her all the best at University and I hope she has an amazing time there. I just want her to know that I’m going to miss her so much and I hope that we will still be as close as we are. I love my big sister so much and I hope that she never forgets all the amazing times we have had in the house that we grew up in together. I just hope that I never ever lose her…
This was a piece of writing that I did as part of my English Language coursework. It’s based on the song The Hanging Tree by Blackmore’s Night, which has always been one of my favourite songs. I hope you like it :)
From her home in between the earth and sky, an old oak tree has watched the years slowly pass her by. No one can remember a time when she wasn’t standing tall and proud over her homeland. She was placed on the outskirts of a little village, in the never ending English countryside. Over centuries the village has been changed to fit with the future times and yet the oak tree still remained as she had done for over 500 years. A reminder of the forgotten past.
In the year of 1503 the oak tree pushed her way up through the cold, damp soil to feel the summer sun shining down upon her for the first time. With the light of the sun, she grew and grew until she could reach the sky and see for miles around her. Up there she lived in her own little paradise, feeling the summer breeze dancing among her branches which were covered in crisp green leaves and held the promise of new life. Her first summer was filled with warmth and laughter, as she watched the birds fly past her and children play down at her feet. Nothing seemed more perfect than that moment in time. But slowly the summer sun started to fade and autumn winds took to the sky to warn of colder days to come. Her once green leaves turned to fire as they slowly danced away with the wind, before falling to their final resting place on the ground. Birds began to seek shelter within her strong arms, as they built their homes for the winter. Then the dark days came. Winter reigned over nature as the sky became bitter cold and the land became frozen.
At some point in the middle of that winter, they came for her. A group of men from the village stood below her, before one of them climbed up into her branches. Another man from below threw a rope to him and he tied it tightly around the branch. The oak tree had no way of protesting. How could she fight back? There was nothing she could do. From that moment onwards, she became known as the hanging tree…
This is a traditional ballad that I found in a book that I read, which was called Sovay. It’s an amazing story and I instantly fell in love with this poem!
Sovay, Sovay, all on a day
She dressed herself in man’s array
With a brace of pistols all by her side
To meet her true love, to meet her true love, away she’d ride,
As she was riding over the plain
She met her true love and bid him stand
“Stand and deliver, young sir” she said
“And if you do not, if you do not, I’ll shoot you dead,
He delivered up his golden store
And still she craved for one thing more
“That diamond ring that I see you wear
Oh hand it over, hand it over, and your life I’ll spare,
“From that diamond ring I would not part
For it’s a token from my sweetheart
Shoot and be damned, you rogue” said he
And you’ll be hanged, you’ll be hanged then, for murdering me,
Next morning in the garden green
Young Sophie and her true love were seen
He spied his watch hanging from her clothes
Which made him blush, which made him blush, like any rose
“Why do you blush, you silly thing
I thought to have that diamond ring
T’was I who robbed you all on the plain
So here’s your gold love, here’s your gold, your watch and your chain,
“I only did it for to know
If you would be a man or no
If you had given me that ring” she said
“I’d have pulled the trigger, pulled the trigger and shot you dead”
So today I turn 17! Technically I’m not 17 until 11:02 pm though :p I went to see American Hustle today, which was sooo good! Then tomorrow I’m having pizza takeout with family and friends. Then Sunday I’m going ice skating with my friends from college. I can’t wait!
I don’t know how the explain this properly so bear with me. I don’t feel like I’m 17. I don’t feel old enough. I’m not ready to make big, life-changing decisions and take on loads of responsibilities. When I was younger, I always wished that I was older. Yet now I’m ‘older’, I want to go back to being a little girl again. I want to re-live my childhood already and I’m still a teenager ;)
I’m literally going to playing 17 by Avril Lavigne all day!!!